I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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