My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
