The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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