Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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