Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
