My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
