That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
