before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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