turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
