Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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