Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
