dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
love makes seman taste better
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
