you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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