he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
