i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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