Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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