i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
