I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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