just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
