Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
too bad you live with your parents still
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
