i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
