I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
