think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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