Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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