I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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