My first STD was from a foam party
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
