Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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