I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
