You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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