He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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