Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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