yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
