Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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