She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
