I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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