I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
