Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
