I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize