On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
