I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
