Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
