you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
