Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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