Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
