just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
