New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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