I must be too annoying 4 u.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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