I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
