can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
