you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
