i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
