Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
