I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
