Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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