Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
