Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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