You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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