I showed him my bush... on skype.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
