I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you had me at cake vodka
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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