I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
