Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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