Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
