new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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