you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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