bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
