dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
