Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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