I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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