is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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