ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
