I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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