She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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